I Tried Living Like Gwyneth Paltrow For a Month and Felt Oh, So, Satisfied Pt. 1

Gwyneth Paltrow is the patron saint of everything wellness and while she has been called ‘misinformed‘ by her critics and praised by her devotees, like me, regardless of what you say, she does know a thing or two about wellness and self-care, which is why, when I was feeling sluggish about a year or two ago, I turned to her for advice on how to reset my system.

The Motivation: Old pictures of myself where my skin was radiant and blemish free as it was in my youth.

The Resolution: A book written by GP called Goop Clean Beauty.

Goop Clean Beauty is a book that explores topics similar to the site, Goop.com, but narrows in on values like clean eating, getting good sleep, staying hydrated, and making sure that everything else in your body like your adrenals, hormones, and mood are in balance. It’s literally a book about beauty from the inside out, which in a way, is very similar to the values of Tova and Wild—which of course, made me interested right away.

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GP starts off the book by explaining some of the thinking behind detoxing, and although yes, it’s true that your body naturally detoxes daily, there is little evidence that detoxing does much for you in general. It should really be called a cleanse because by the end of it, my bank account was empty and my colon felt brand spanking new. I will say that if you are trying this for the first time, start small and slow. Goop recommends starting off on a ten-day burst and seeing how that goes for your body, they also HIGHLY RECOMMEND consulting your doctor first before attempting any detox or cleanse ritual in general. You’ll also want to amplify your eating habits by drinking a shit-ton of water and getting some light exercise like walking or yoga.

I started out here at the Goop detox because my body was feeling sluggish, I was constantly tired, and to be very specific I wasn’t going to the bathroom as much as I probably should. This was just my way of attempting something different and enacting change and control over my own life. It started with food, and throughout my 30-day detox I meditated, went to yoga, attending workout classes, and read a book called Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life by Thich Nhat Han.

In my humble attempt to learn all that I could from GP in order to make me feel like the freshest version of my self, I knew that I had to start somewhere, and subsequentially it started with food. Let me tell you, this detox is not for the faint of heart, not for someone on a fixed income, not for someone who is trying to unload a lot of excess weight or is on a restricted calorie plan, and not for someone who doesn’t understand the difference between Tamari and Soy Sauce, because there IS a difference. However, because I myself do have a budget that I have to mind and did not understand the difference between Tamari and Soy Sauce, I think you’ll be okay improvising on some key elements of the detox.

The Rules:

  1. No alcohol.
  2. No caffeine.
  3. No dairy.
  4. No eggs.
  5. No beef or pork.
  6. No shellfish or raw fish.
  7. No gluten.
  8. No soy.
  9. No nightshades, i.e., potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, and peppers.
  10. No strawberries, orange, grapefruits, grapes, bananas.
  11. No corn.
  12. No white rice.
  13. No added sugar.
  14. No peanuts, although other tree nuts are fine.
  15. No processed oil and butter (margarine, spreads, and the like), and no vegetable seed oils like canola and corn. Stick to cold-pressed olive oil and coconut, sesame, almond/walnut, and pumpkin seed oils.

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I know—I know! It sounds like you can’t eat anything, but I’m telling you, you can do this! It’s possible because I did it. Just think of it simpler like most animal proteins, mostly vegetables, most fruits, beans, and legumes. I will report that at the end of this detox my body did feel 100% better. I realized that certain foods like cheeses and dairy sort of make me feel sleepy. Eating meat makes me feel too full and avoid eating vegetables. I slept better and had more energy after day five, and was a million times more hungry than I’ve ever been. The only times it proved challenging were in moments when friends or family wanted to go out to eat, grab coffee/drinks, or basically do anything that involved food in any sort of way. That was difficult. I messed up five times.

Of course, I can think of several thousand other ways to detox because there are so many resources out there, but nothing beats the beautifully curated, Gwyneth Paltrow-esque goodness that came from the Goop Clean Beauty detox. Okay, okay. I’ve officially out LA’d myself.