Self-Shearing, A.K.A. Shaving

The first time I shaved my face I should have been awarded a gold medal, but because the International Olympic Committee doesn’t recognize shaving as a medal-worthy event, I will instead award it to myself.

I remember the situation so clearly because I had been longing to shave for such a long time, after seeing my father and mother regularly shave, I thought this was clearly the path to adulthood. Little did I know that for almost 12 years of my life I would be contributing to so much waste. On average the U.S. throws away 2 billion razors annually, (the link isn’t going to work because the government is censoring websites pertaining to climate change) which is a lot of waste and practically impossible to recycle.

Thus, began my quest for zero waste alternatives to shaving, and after some extensive research and polling (amongst friends, colleagues, internet forums, etc.), I have narrowed my search to these five créme de la créme tricks of self-shearing.

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1. The Safety Razor

Yes, the dawning of the barber style razors is among us—I mean it has been sort of trending as far as hipster men go for a while now. Regardless of the level of doucheyness that goes with safety razors, they are the best alternative to getting a close shave and generally removing hair for women and men.

The tips are generally to shave from a 30-degree angle, moisturize your face thoroughly, use shaving soap,  don’t shave on bare skin, and dry out the razor after every use.

A razor is good for about 4-6 uses if dried properly, once you are finished you can recycle it by putting it in a glass jar or can and saving them until they collect. Then just dispose of them with your recycling, just make sure they are secure.

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2. Electic Shavers

Generally, electric shavers are the best option for shaving whilst still remaining zero waste. If you buy a good quality shaver then you virtually should never need to replace it, however, a close shave isn’t really going to happen. But, if that doesn’t concern you, then go for it, this is the best option for removing unwanted hair.

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3. Epilator

Ok, I had a friend use an epilator and I was sort of scared and she was sort of scared.

Firstly, epilators act like electric shavers but instead of cutting the surface hair, they physically remove the hair by pulling it out. Ouch! Basically, epilating involved an occasional scream but afterward, the result was smooth skin.

It took about four days until there was hair growth and at that, it was not full hair growth but random patches, meaning the second time epilating meant not doing the entire leg, just section.

This is definitely something you should only use on your legs, not on your face.

If you are brave enough, go for it.

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4. Sugar Waxing

The alternative towards traditional waxing, sugar waxing is its softer and sweeter cousin. Most people who get waxed regularly should definitely try sugar waxing, it is a little less painful and doesn’t strip away the top layer of skin like traditional waxing. Luckily this is something you can do at home, or even go to a salon for. Hair growth is about the same time as traditional waxing, but the redness and pain aren’t as strong.

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5. Lazer Hair Removal

This is the best option to remove hair by far, but also the most expensive. Lazer hair removal can be done anywhere on the body and can actually remove hair and stop it from returning. If you have the money and the time, laser hair removal will last a lifetime and reduce your waste to zero as far as self-shearing goes.

The pain is pretty rough for most people, its kind of like getting a bee sting of a tattoo, but only for a second, as soon as the flask stops the pain is gone. The pain is manageable and depending on your thickness of hair you could practically go through six sessions and be done.

If you don’t like any of those options you can do as I do, don’t shave. Now go out and become sleek hairless cats, or join my Fuzzy Friends Club, where we talk about the ways every single hair on our bodies is a friend, with a name, and a soul, and now I’ve taken this too far.