Your Hungover January Tovascopes Have Arrived

Hey baby, what’s your sign? – Every gross guy in a bar in the 70’s

As far as horoscopes go, I am sort of a fairweather friend, when they aren’t in my favor I am the biggest skeptic, but when they are working for me I am their loyal cheerleader wearing my team colors and championing on astrology to the world. This sort of flakiness is somewhat common in my astrological chart, but I will say that the only astrologers who have made me consistently go back for a deeper read have been the Astro Twins.

The identical twin sisters/astrologers Ophira and Tali have been the head astrologers for Refinery29 and ELLE for years and I personally have been following their career for quite a while. Like I said, they’re the only astrologers I trust.

However, sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the minutiae of astrology that I stop reading. So instead, I’ve decided to interpret. Let’s jump into 2018 with a complete nosedive into the cosmos.

Capricorn

Capricorn · FIRST LADY, MICHELLE OBAMA

Happy Birthday, Capricorn, although it has been your birthday for a couple of weeks now, your sign is off on a bright and extroverted note due to the sun being in your sign. So take chances, make moves, and enjoy the spirit of the new year. Your month is interestingly coupled with two full moons making change potent this month. Embrace the potential for change in your relationships and business endeavors as this time will give you clarity to feed what feeds you. By the end of the month, you could find out information that changes your thought process regarding your personal relationships and business ventures. Listen to your gut, follow the clues, and pay attention to your dreams, they could reveal the truth of what actually is happening.

Aquarius

Aquarius · HARRY STYLES

Will it get old if I make the “Age of Aquarius” joke every time I see you? No? Ok great! 2018 starts off as a time to regulate and recenter your year at your own pace. No need to make crazy new year resolutions just “lean-in” to the restful time and get ready to stand up when the season shifts, and it will shift. Mars is going to jump into Scorpio making your career house ablaze until November. While you are taking care of you, make sure to keep those eyes open, and feet ready to move when the time comes, by the end of the month you should be feeling like your fun-loving self again.

Pisces

Pisces · RIHANNA

Do you like meeting new people Pisces? If you don’t get ready to be saying “hey girl” for the entire month because you are on networking fire. Even though your sign is two little fishies, you are going to be the one casting the wide net because you will be craving excitement and newness in your friendships and work plans. Due to the coupled full moons this month you can say goodbye to any old habits you need to kick and embrace the possibility of total change. Just make sure to pace yourself, no need to rush into anything to quickly, stay the course and you will reap the benefits of your hard work.

Aries

Aries · AMERICA FERRERA

“I’m coming out! I want the world to know, got to let it show!” That is basically you Aries, leaving 2017 behind and embracing 2018 like the strong ram you are. You have loft plans, visions, and dreams for the new year but before you rush off into the future, take the time to make sure you have your emotional ducks in a row. By that I mean, take the time to make sure you have your emotional needs met by keeping your love life, family, and friends in good standing. They will help you out more than you know. Start crafting your plans and take the time to lay out a vision clearly and distinctly, by summer you could reach new levels of success if you just plan right. Slow and steady wins the race. I know how difficult that is for you to hear, but you’ll appreciate the advice once you’ve finished the race.

Taurus

Taurus · AIDY BRYANT

Hey Taurus, how you doing? It looks like you are doing fine this new year, in fact, you are probably doing better than fine because with the Sun in Capricorn you are setting your sights on new possibilities, new adventures, and calculated risks. You have shown tremendous growth over the course of 2017 but it looks like you are still going to be stretching and moving outside of your traditional comfort zones. Don’t feel overwhelmed though, you aren’t going to do it all alone, instead look for new partnerships and appreciate the ones you have. Home, family, friends, and relationships are going to be key and any relationships that prove to be harmful should be carefully reflected on and if needed, removed from your warm Taurus glow.

Gemini

Gemini · MARY-KATE + ASHLEY OLSEN

Calling all Gemini’s, your horoscope for the month of January is hella sensible, or so the Astro Twins say. It is all about setting priorities, making goals, and being intentional. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always come easily to your twin sign, so take the time to lay down the practical and take one step at a time. Don’t try to juggle it all at once. During the mid and end of the month, you might be seeking some solitude and one-on-one time with the important people in your life. These moments of solitude could lead to a proposal of a new opportunity to merge, invest, or team up FTW. Take it all the way, but be cautious, dot your I’s and cross your T’s.

Cancer

Cancer · SELENA GOMEZ

Ahem! Attention can the real Cancer please stand up? That is basically you this month, front and center because this month brings about two full moons which will basically catapult you into action as the month begins. Record your dreams, visions, and goals and share them with loved ones, but make sure to watch your tongue. All this excitement could make you a little bolder and too much can come gushing out too quickly. Romantic relations could also be tested this month, which could mean ending a toxic situation or taking a serious next step in your commitment to one another. By the end of the month, there could be some serious progress relationally so take the time to go deep, which of course you love to do.

Leo

Leo · CHRIS HEMSWORTH

You are literally entering the new year as a lamb and finishing the month as a lion, Leo. Healing, restoration, and closure are all things you might be dealing with during the start of the new year. Time to kick the old patterns that you have been clinging to. Once you do that sure-fire Leo energy will kick in and spark up a three-year master plan that is both exciting and visually interesting. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, and rely on your strongest relationships in order to give you that extra boost you will need to finish the month.

Virgo

Virgo · BEYONCÉ

#squadVirgo in da house! Who are those friendships and collaborations and relationships that need attention, change, or closure Virgo? If there are any situations that do not provide quality to your life because the start of the month is still holiday mode for you. Enjoy the lighthearted and easy spirit you have before you begin with the extreme makeover and master plans for world domination. You basically turn into a magnet mid-month and this could spark an interesting relationship or soulmate that seems like a melding of minds. Romance could take over and whether you are single or taken invest in the feeling and devote your time to self-love and don’t feel bad if you are a little indulgent this month.

Libra

Libra · GWYNETH PALTROW

Libra, Libra, Libra, it is all about those ambitious goals this month, and with these two full moons, this lunar lift can cast some major energy into a position for a public role or leadership position for you. Even if you don’t have the plans clearly defined and laid out all neat and orderly this time can cast some clear vision for your next direction and steps. Gather that energy with some close friends and set your intentions, something magical happens when we partner up and become guardians of one another’s dreams. Just make sure to take some time for self-care and hibernate after this holiday season, no need to overextend yourself, it benefits no one.

Scorpio

Scorpio · WILLOW SMITH

Scorpio is all about this 2018 year! No joke, this is going to be the most boldfaced years you have had in more than a decade. Be prepared to launch because whatever you have been thinking about over the past year, month, week, day, could transpire and rather quickly. So it’s time to leave that soul-crushing job and push towards your goals full throttle. That should be the title of your album this year, Full Throttle 2018. Take the risks, make the leaps, and keep your eyes open for “Daddy Jupiter”, aka “Lady Luck.” By the end of the month, you are going to be all about open communication, clear intentions, and embracing change.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius · TAYLOR SWIFT

Sagittarius!!!!!! Although this year starts off with a productive start, you are definitely not feeling your usual self, take the time to rest up. I know you are eager but seriously by the 26th you will be feeling back to your usual self and revving up to go. You have some emotional things to process right now, to develop intimacy, and reveal those inner truths you have been stuffing down. The month ends with some risk and growth, greenlight those visionary plans and leap into that entrepreneurial side of your personality. Just be careful with that jolt of energy and salt and pepper your words, they taste better going down that way.

So that’s it, Happy New Year!