The 12 Stages of Carving a Pumpkin as an Adult

It’s almost Halloween and Morgan and I decided that we would carve pumpkins together. It was funny because I have always carved pumpkins with my family and we usually go all out and take a ton of time to carve them perfectly and make really cool pumpkins. This year was totally different. Below are the stages of carving pumpkins as an adult…

STAGE ONE: OVER CONFIDENT

You start off really prepared, you have all of the utensils you will need, have laid down some coverings for your table, furniture, whatever, and are ready to tackle the pumpkin head on. You are prepared mentally, physically, spiritually and even emotionally to endure the task that is pumpkin carving.

STAGE TWO: INDECISION

After you have already spent over two hours trying to decide what pumpkin you are going to carve you set take your marker and start drawing out the design, only to realize that it might be more difficult than you think. You rush to the kitchen to grab a damp cloth to erase the marker and start again with something a little less challenging.

STAGE THREE: FRUSTRATION

The marker you used was a Sharpie, so it’s not removing from the pumpkin. You are then forced to either live with it or figure out another solution.

STAGE FOUR: CONFIDENCE

No fear, you will just press forward and begin cutting the top off, start there, scrape the insides and begin carving later.

STAGE FIVE: PAIN

Your hand is falling apart because the pumpkin you got was the largest one they had and you can’t cut through the top. Your hand starts cramping and it takes someone stronger and more prepared physically to help you out.

STAGE SIX: PANIC

You realize that as you are getting the guts of the pumpkin out you are making a mess, seeds are spilling on the floor, pieces are not landing in the trash can and you are freaking out. You are going to need to clean the floors tonight before you can relax.

STAGE SEVEN: FRUSTRATION

You landed on Pumpkin Carvers Place, go back four stages to Frustration.

STAGE EIGHT: DENIAL

You start carving anyway, you’ll do something easy like Mickey Mouse or a Smiley Face, it’ll be easy, you can do this, you’ve prepared for this, just start carving.

STAGE NINE: OVER IT

It’s been an hour of carving and you barely popped out one eye, you are frustrated, angry, tired and starting to sweat.

STAGE TEN: ALCOHOL

You decide the only way to get through this it to turn it into a drinking game; for every feature on your pumpkin you carve, you take a shot. Suddenly you are enjoying this whole pumpkin carving situation.

STAGE ELEVEN: ACCOMPLISHED

You did it, you are now three shots in and you are completely finished with your pumpkin. It looks great! You did such a great job carving your pumpkin, now go put a candle in it and place it outside.

STAGE TWELVE: EXHAUSTION

You decide after cleaning up for almost an hour that you will never carve pumpkins again. It was too damn exhausting and now you can’t even look at your pumpkin because it’s outside for other people to enjoy.

Was it worth it?

TBD.

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