The process of blogging for someone who is extroverted can be quite challenging. A while ago, a friend of mine decided to make me take the Myers Briggs personality test and I believe I tested about 87% extroverted, which is kind of insane. I hadn’t really thought about it but for most of my life, I have been really extroverted. So blogging can be something that is challenging because, for the most part, it requires a decent amount of the time being alone.
There’s this scene in Eat, Pray, Love. That I think of whenever I am alone. Julia Roberts is invited to go out with some beautiful Italian people but she decides to just stay home and be alone. I think the person she is portraying states somewhere in the book she is an extravert. She decides to cook herself a rather simple yet exquisite meal, pulls out the yoga mat, and grabs her Italian book and reads, Sono Solo, I am alone.
In the movie, the scene just cuts to the next thing she does, and the weight of the moment seems to slip by rather quickly.
But every now and then I think of that moment when I am alone and feel really sad. I try to just sit there and be alone and feel the feeling of loneliness and embrace it when those moments come.
The other day was labor day and for the first part of my day, I spent it alone walking along the beach at Half Moon Bay. The fog was covering the ocean and it was cool but not too cold and the tide was high enough to fill the bay with surfers. I sat there, watched the surfers and felt completely alone.
But instead of being saddened by this, I actually enjoyed it. It was beautiful, calming and I felt genuinely happy. I didn’t pull out my phone once to distract myself, I just sat and embraced the quietness of the moment and I loved it.
I started thinking about Morgan, and my family, and friends, and how each one of them means so much to me, and in this weird Oprah appreciation moment, I started thanking the universe for them.
In this weird twist of things, every “alone” moment that has happened since has been really enjoyable. I’m definitely not becoming an introvert, but I am embracing the silence because it seems like everyone is talking so loudly these days.
I sent a text message to my younger sister, an eternal introvert and asked her if this is what she feels when she spends time by herself. She never replied. I didn’t realize until later that the message never sent.
Maybe that was the universe’s way of helping me embrace being alone?
So as my fingertips hit the keys that create these words and I stop myself from wondering if anyone on the planet will ever receive this and instead acknowledge this beautifully sunny day we are having here I feel my body start to warm up and breath fills my nose and lungs in and out I realize, I am happy.