The Thought Process of Drinking Iced Coffee

When you are supposed to be on a cleanse.

I woke up this morning rather early. The air conditioning was turned off so the bedroom was warm and sunny. I lay there for exactly twenty-three minutes until I finally decided to move because the pressure on my bladder was building so much that I couldn’t lie there anymore.

Who do I want to be today?

The thought loomed over me, as the past two days I have been sluggish and unproductive. The cleanse was only two days in, and for whatever reason, I was not motivated to do it. The other day I decided to try and smudge the funk away. It worked for the most part, but at the same time, I also think the placebo effect took place. Nevertheless, I smudged.

Yoga. Shower. Dress. Food. Leave.

A few morning errands to run and then the rest of the day would be full throttle motivation. I felt clear, ready for the day.

The smudge worked. *placebo*

I made my way to le coffee shop downtown, entering in I remembered the fact that my cleanse strictly says no caffeine. What can I have without caffeine? Tea? No. Juice? No. Milk? No. Water? UGH.

Ok if I’m going to cheat I wanna cheat right. I can’t just have any old coffee, I must have the best coffee. Obviously, I’ll get iced, as the heat has been scorching lately, Hazelnut or vanilla-brewed? Cold brew? Cold brew? Cold brew. Small? Medium? Large? The fuq is Trenti? There is a size larger than large? Who actually orders that much coffee?

“One large cold brew light ice.” I excitedly yell to the barista.

‘I’ll sip it slow’, I say to myself.

Finding a place to sit, finding a place to sit, how is there literally only one seat available? I think I’ll listen to Haim since their album just dropped out of nowhere and OHMYGOD WHY DID I STOP DRINKING COFFEE EVER?! OH MY ACTUAL GOD I HAVE GONE FAR TOO LONG WITHOUT DRINKING COFFEE, I NEVER REALIZED HOW SWEET THIS NECTAR FROM THE GODS IS. THIS IS GOOD FOR ME RIGHT? DIDN’T I READ AN ARTICLE SOMEWHERE THIS WAS GOOD? DREW, REMIND YOURSELF TO LOOK UP THE ARTICLE TO PROVE THAT COFFEE IS THE BEST THING FOR YOU. WHAT WAS I THINKING? IS THAT THE SUN SHINING? IS THAT WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE? OH HELLO WORLD, YES IT IS ME DREW, AND YES I AM SMILING AND READY TO EMBRACE THE DAY! WHY AM I TRYING TO WRITE RIGHT NOW? I SHOULD BE MOVING. I’M GOING TO MOVE, I’M GOING TO GO FOR A WALK.

NO!

FOCUS DREW, FOCUS, YOU NEED TO WRITE. YOU NEED TO BLOG. YOU NEED TO WORK ON DESIGNS. YOU HAVE PROJECTS AND DEADLINES TO WORK WITH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. TURN AROUND GO BACK INTO THE COFFEE SHOP AND SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN.

“HI, TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA!”

“Good morning?”

“ISN’T IT A LOVELY MORNING, HI IM DREW, NICE TO MEET YOU.”

WHY AM I TALKING TO EVERYONE? WHY AM I SAYING TOP OF THE MORNING? WHY AM I STILL GETTING NOTHING DONE? OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO CALL THAT ONE GUY FOR THE FLOORING SAMPLES AND OH I NEED TO EMAIL JESS FOR THE APPROVAL FOR THE AND I NEED TO PLAN OUT THE VIDEO FOR THIS WEEK AND OH my coffee’s all gone.

My head is really hurting.

I’m actually feeling slightly foggy.

This is why the cleanse said to cancel out the caffeine.

Shit.

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